Today December 12, 2008 is one of THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!!!

I mean come on, is it everyday that you apply for an american visa and get accepted with flying colors?

It’s soo…. unbelievable….

Of course, I never noticed the interviewer’s reaction towards me… But my mom said that the interviewer was apparently amused by me. Says that he kept looking from my face to the picture I’ve submitted… Man it was funny when mom said it….

I’ve gone on with life never knowing,
I’ve thread on it never stopping,
I’ve bowed down my head never questioning,
I’ve drowned myself in depression never hoping.

I never thought I was like this,
I walked away in ignorant bliss,
I guess a part of me never wanted to,
I guess it was an accident too.

I was just cruising through the net like I always did,
but hey I’m just a kid.
I just stumbled upon it,
I was like a fish that saw a bait and bit.

Oh God! It’s really true,
the truth does hurt you,
I never thought of it that way but hey,
I just cruised through things day after day.

I’ve done it for years and I never noticed,
how I try to hurt myself and find my own solace.
I didn’t mean to, I never thought.
That each time i did it the more I lost.

Gods, to know what I did,
the truth isn’t so lithe,
I want to keep going,
But my logic says that I’ll keep losing.

I didn’t know that to bang my head,
to bite until I bruise,
to tear and eat the skin on my mouth,
to pick on my skin and forever bruising it…

Oh dear, I know I’ve lost it.
I did it without knowing it.
I guess this is the end of the line for me,
I can’t fake my being cheery.

It hurts I have to admit.
But I guess it’s me.
I never knew it.
So please don’t blame me, for each fault I see in me is like being hit.

It’s only a few days since I knew what he really felt from me. I guess he was only protecting me from the hurt from a one-sided relationship. But it hurts. It hurts too much. I know, I’m just a kid, a minor but I just don’t know. I love him. I love him. I can say it a million times and I won’t get tired. I just love him so much that my heart’s aching. I just don’t know, this love it hurts. It’s not puppy love, I’ve felt that before, it’s more than a crush but not an obsession. But it hurts, it hurts so much I just want to cry. But I can’t can I. I can’t cry anymore, my eyes are all dried up of the tears that come from emotional hurt. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can’t stop, why? It hurts but my tears won’t flow. I love you. I love you. I love you. But why? What was the reason we met? What? If this is my punishment from God for all the things I do that are against him well this is as cruel as any punishment by Lucifer. Gods. I love him but it’s like he’s a thorny rose to me, I can look but can’t touch ’cause if I’m not careful I’ll get hurt. He’s making himself a thorny rose to me. If he let  go of that countenance maybe he’ll see how I feel about him. But damn it hurts. Even without touching I’m already hurt. I love you so much why? why? why?

—————-
Now playing: Celine Dion - Alone
via FoxyTunes

I can’t seem to be comfortable lately.
You see I’m an insomniac meaning insomnia maniac.
I’ve been feeling that my door would just suddenly open every night.
Something’s happening and I don’t think I want to find out.
I’m getting scared… Somebody anybody help!

something’s happening…
I can feel it.
Why do I feel so cold all of the sudden?
What’s happening?
Can somebody anybody…
HELP!

Today my life just turned upside down.

It was big news, very big news.

It was so upsetting and surprisingly, unsurprising.

I cried the most today than in my whole life!

Gads!

How many have you seen?

How many have you met?

How many have you befriended and accepted?

The fat, the deformed, the gays, the lesbians.

How many have you loved?

Prejudiced!

You all send us to our own personnal hells.

Heresy! That’s what you cry,

See us, then condemn us that is what you do.

Ugly, stay away from me

You all drive us away.

Stop the prejudice before it’s too late.

A child I am I trully must admit.

A teenager who feels the same way.

To be rebellious, to be free.

But I finally realize the truth.

Not only me but them too.

They saw their mistakes as I saw mine.

I Love them and they to me.

No one to seperate us.

Flesh and blood connect us.

I’ll never forget them,

And they to me.

My dear fellow teens, love your parents

Because deep inside they only do he best for you.

I’ve walked along the path of desolation

The endless dream of darkness

Will anyone save me?

Will someone finally become my friend?

You’ve seen me before

In this dark abyss

Yet no one saves me

No one cares, not anymore

I haven’t done nothing wrong

I shan’t do what I’ve always thought of as betrayal

Shall you not care for me anymore?

The next you shall see me

I’m already dead inside

Though I’d admit I’ve felt I’d died before.

Now forever I shall perish a fault that was never committed

Not that I’ve done anything wrong.

aaWe crave power, money and everything in between.
As a child I’ve always believed in my own saying.

"Come Power, Come Greed"

A quote I myself made.
And I pride in my self that
I’m a better speaker than most.
Not that I’m boasting
But back to the matter at hand.
Let’s be frank and truthful,
We crave attention, power,
beauty, money
PERFECTION

You might not be a perfectionist,
power-hungry or anything.
But you DO crave it.
In ways you didn’t even knew.
Even a mother would fear her child,
if he/she holds talents that
exceeds her.
Admit it we’re like that.
Because I admit I’m like that.